Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
