I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
