Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
