She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
