I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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