So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
