Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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