I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
