Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
