i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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