My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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