careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize