We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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