I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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