he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
