Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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