My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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