Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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