I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
