did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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