I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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