So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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