I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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