it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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