I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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