I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
