I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
