No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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