your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize