so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
