Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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