totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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