I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Pants are for mortals
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
