You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You're like the curious george of whores
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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