Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
