Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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