If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
being pregnant is like rehab
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
