How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
