She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
