cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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