My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
