I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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