she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
