I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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