do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize