I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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