You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
