dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize