See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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