remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
