I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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