bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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