Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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