Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize