I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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