She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
