I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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