Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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