What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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