marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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