I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she looked like the before picture.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
