It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
