What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
