i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
