is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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