This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
