There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
