After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
