If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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