GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
