Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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