my room smells like sperm. sweet.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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