It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
