I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
