I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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