I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
