I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
