I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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