I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
