It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize