your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
