Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
