If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
