Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
