Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
