All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize