Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think my fart just growled at me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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