I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
