No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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