I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
there is puke in my bra ... again
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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