hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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