Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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