i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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