i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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