my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize