so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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