So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
