I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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