hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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