mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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